When Your Chips Are Down
by Panic-at-the-chemical-romance8
Summary: Edward attempted suicide for unknown reasons and he wants out of the rehab center. When he gets out will he be able to regain the life he once had?
1. Chapter 1

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Everyone is different. Some people thrive off of lust, some off of desire, and some off of fear. Is there a reason that when you stand on the edge of a high balcony that you take a step back? Is it because you're afraid of falling? Or is it that you're afraid you're going to want to jump?

Why are these things always in my head? These strange questions, these odd things I think up? Is that the reason I'm here? I look out the window, scratching my head. I don't remember… then someone interrupts my thoughts

"Edward, honey it's time to take your medication" a soft, almost caring voice said from behind me. "Here" she said, handing me a small white Dixie cup that contains a few little pills

"Thank you Angela" I said in a whisper, my voice dry from crying earlier

"Hey would you like some water?" she said placing a hand on my shoulder, and I nod

Angela is one of the only people in staff who don't treat me like I'm fucking crazy. Even though I am. I know it and everyone here knows it. She just makes me feel normal, which is a nice change

"Is your throat sore?" she asked, handing me a cup of water

I took a sip of the water she handed me and then put it down, looking back out the window. "No"

"Edward" she sighed, tilting her head to the side, studying me. "I know you've been feeling especially down lately, why?"

I looked at the ground. How could she be asking me this? Everyone here is crazy including me. I've been told so enough from the doctors. Clasped my eyes shut and tightened my fist. "You just don't get it do you? They treat us like we're worth nothing Angela, like we'll never get better. Like… like we really were better off dead."

I opened my eyes to see her tearing up and pulling me into her arms. "Edward you're not better off dead. Your family is so thankful that you're not! And I know you regret even trying…"

I cut her off this time. "Angela. I wanted to die. I still do. And nothing. I mean NOTHING. Will change that."

She wiped away her tears and looked up "That's fine, but don't expect me to sit around watching you like this" and then she was gone. The only one who didn't treat me like shit was gone

. . . . .

"Now Edward, did you have a relationship before the _'incident'?" _I rolled my eyes at the fucking stupid psychiatrist, 'Dr. Black'

"No I didn't, now is that really relevant?" I asked squinting my eyes at him

"When was your last relationship?" he asked ignoring my question, as usual

"It was about two years ago I think" remembering back when things were so care free

"Your parents say different" he replied skeptically "Are you lying to me?"

You've got to be kidding me! "Yes" I started flatly, "I am lying about being with someone two years ago to impress you and the rest of the crazy nut cases in this dump! That's totally it!" I took a breath and calmed down a little. "I was in a relationship two years ago, my parents just didn't know about it"

"What was her name and why did you two depart from one another?" I roll my eyes, he makes it sound like we're talking about planes not people

"**_his, _**name was Jasper" I said in an amused tone. He thought I had a girlfriend? That's real funny!

He looked at me in shock, like I had two fucking heads. "A boyfriend?" he said confused

I nodded "Correct" I said to him like he was a five year old that just caught on

"So your gay?" he said still confused

"Yes?" I paused and then got why he was confused, "My parents don't know thought, and I'd prefer to tell them myself one day, not by a doctor"

He nodded, seeming to understand, "Do you think they would accept you?" he asked quickly

"No"

"Why do you feel that way?" he asked surprised. I wanted to kill him sometimes. It's not like any of this is his business!

"Look, I had a friend who came out, when I told my parents what team he played for they wanted me to stay away from him. They thought he would 'Corrupt" me. Make me a 'fag'" I said cringing at the words as they left my mouth

"I see" he said, writing all of it down

"How did you two split up?" he asked, still writing things down. "You know, you were found about two years ago, did the 'incident' have something to do with him? Your breakup?"

I cringed and looked down. "He told me he loved me, we only went out about 4 months, heck we didn't even have sex , his idea of course, he wanted to know everything about me first…" I paused thinking about him. He was so beautiful.

"What did he look like?" he asked writing like a mad man

A faint smile painted my mouth as my eyes rested into oblivion, "He had the most alluring dirty blonde hair and shining blue orb eyes to match, and an accent that just made everyone melt"

"What kind of accent son?" he said, setting his pen and paper down, flashing me a proud smile

"A southern accent" I sighed, "and he had glowing tanned skin" I looked up to find him almost in tears. What did I do this time?

"Are you alright?" I asked knitting my brows

He just smiled softly and sighed, "Son, I'm proud you've finally let us in a little"

"If I corporate, things will actually go a lot smoother… won't they? People always say that's the case, but I've never found it true until now.

"Yes, Edward if you tell us your story, even bits and pieces, you could get out for good. I'd like to see that happen my boy" he said with a pat on my back, "You can go now, see you tomorrow"

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	2. Chapter 2

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. . . . . I walked out of his office and peered down the hall. It's hard to see faraway without glasses or contacts so I squint trying to see who was in the lounge room as I walk down the hall. "Edward are you alright?" someone said from behind me, "No, I need my glasses or contacts. Without them I can't see faraway" I said turning around to see Dr. Jacob Black, Dr. Black's son. "Oh" he said looking down the hall, "Well why didn't you say anything sooner? You know, we could have gotten them for you" he said matter-of-factly

I rolled my eyes, "I think I prefer your father over you" I said smirking

"Oh come on smartass lets go and get you some glasses" he says, motioning me to fallow him. Jacob is Dr. Black's son, but they look nothing alike. Maybe he was adopted? Jacob now has swoopy short black hair that use to be long and straight past his shoulders, he's about 6'5 an impressive height above my own 6'1 and his skin color is between African American and white, which is very sexy. His broad shoulders and large muscles are widely recognized through his clothing, and his lips are plump and a nice redish pink. But he's no Jasper

When we reached the main supply office he opened to door and walked in motioning me to wait for him. Wail waiting I spotted Angela giving me a confused look so I mouthed "Glasses" to her and she nodded. Angela doesn't hold a grudge and that I'm VERY thankful for

"Here Eddy" Jacob said handing me a pair of glasses, "I grabbed the sexiest pair I could find" He said jokingly flashing me a smile

"Thanks" I replied, slipping the glasses on my face "Well look at that" I said

"What?" he said looking around the room

"You have dark green eyes" I laughed, "And here I thought they were brown!" I smirked at him and he gave me the finger returning my smirk

. . . . .

"Why won't you have sex with me!" Jessica shouted at me, her face turning red with anger

"I don't like you like that?" I shrugged, hopping she'd leave it be

"What? You've been here two years! Two years and haven't had sex with any of us!" she seethed with a crazy look in her eyes as she took another step towards me

"Why would I want too? I don't really know any of you and I'm not some sick fuck who sleeps with just anyone!" I yelled back

"Are you a freaking virgin or some shit!" she yelled looking me dead on

"No Jessica I am not a virgin, but I don't want you, or anyone here, there is only one and I mean ONE person I want and you are not it" I said in a calm voice taking a step back and sitting down

"Who? What's her name? Is she like your girlfriend? Fiancé?" she gasped, swarming me with questions

Jessica was one of my best friends here and besides from her being a raging sex addict, we got along swimmingly. "Jess, HIS name is Jasper"

Her mouth formed an 'O' and she looked down embarrassed, "Your gay?" she whispered and I nodded

"Oh" I laughed a little and touched her shoulder "Can you not tell anyone, please jess" I whispered to her

She flinched at my touch and brushed my hand away "Don't touch me you dirty fag" she yelled in my face and stormed off

I gulped and stared at the wall, my eyes were open but I couldn't see anything. My breathing hitched and my face was wet, the only reason I could tell that I was hyperventilating was because I could feel my chest closing in. I couldn't hear a sound other than my heart pounding. Then my eyes snapped shut and I fell to my side. Closed in darkness and in fear, fear of what would happen ten minutes from now, fear of what will happen a month from now. Not knowing is something people usually learn to live with but not me

Everything blanks out but I can tell I'm still alone for now

"Edward! Someone get his nurse" I heard someone scream, Angela?

I opened my eyes and saw her standing over me, looking distraught. "Angela I'm, I'm fine" I said trying to straighten up

"Are you sure? I think you just had another panic attack" she said, sounding out of breath

"Yeah I'm sure" I said rubbing the back of my head

"What happened? She said concerned "Wait never mind it's not my business"

"Edward, you were doing so well yesterday when I left you, what happened?" Dr. Black asked me, disappointment in his eyes

I sat down in the chair that lies across from his desk staring out the window

"What set you off yesterday?" he asked tilting his head slightly to the side

"Jessica" I said in a cold voice "She set me off" I stared blankly in to nothingness

"What did she do or say that made you go off?" he continued to question me, everyday it was the same. Question after countless question. But today was a little different, he held a new look in his eye

"I told her I was gay" I whispered

He looked at me shocked "Wow Edward… what did she say?" he said, picking up his pen and paper

"She called me a dirty fag" I choked out and looked down, "Maybe she's right, I mean why don't people like gays? Maybe there is something wrong with it, with me, there's always something wrong with me"

"Edward" he paused and then cursed under his breath "Edward there is nothing wrong with you other than the fact that you attempted suicide. Being gay is ok there is nothing wrong with it and I'm proud of you for telling me and even for telling Jessica" he smiled and then got up and sat in the chair next to me, "Why don't you tell me more about you and Jasper"

I laughed a sad laugh and closed my eyes knowing that tears would come soon. "Jasper worked at a bookstore" I smiled, thinking about how we met, "I hated books, didn't have time to read them, but then again I really just wasn't interested" I paused and took a breath, "My friend James loved books and he would bring me to the bookstore with him every week. When I saw Jasper, It's like nothing else mattered to me other than knowing him. I wanted to know who he was I wanted to be his friend; I wanted to be called 'his'. The moment I saw him I actually tripped over a chair" I laughed and so did Dr. Black a little , "He helped me up, his eyes were so blue" I said, thinking off

A tear went down my cheek, "Dr. I really miss him" I whispered and tears where dampening my face. What happened next I did not expect, as he pulled me into a hug. He actually cares

"What happened with you two? Edward this could solve everything for you, you just have to let me in" he said in a soft caring voice

"I can't tell you" I said in a sod, I'm in full breakdown mode

"Yes you can son, yes you can" he said pulling from the hug, putting his hands on my shoulders

"I wa" I stopped. I can't tell him. I can't tell anyone

"Edward" he said with pleading eyes

"I was raped" I whispered out, my head facing, at the floor crying

"Oh my god Edward" he said getting up, "Why did you say anything? Have you tolled anyone?" he said in a shocked voice

"No" I moussed out, "Jasper accused me of cheating, that's why we broke up… I couldn't tell him that I was…" I stopped and wiped the tears from my eyes

"Can you tell me what happened? Edward I know this is a lot but I need to know" he said sounding guilty for asking

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	3. Chapter 3

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I composed myself and sat up straight, "I use to have a friend named Mike, We were more like best friends until I met Jasper and well, My boyfriend became my best friend of course. Jasper went out of town to visit his Grandmother who was very ill, so I decided to hang out with Mike" I swallowed hard and looked down, "he told me that he loved me and had for a long time, he… he forced himself onto me and…he was stronger than me.

"Edward" he said in a raspy voice, "Did he hurt you, during this act?"

"He got mad… I tried to get him off of me. I punched him and he got mad… so he" I paused and took a deep breath, "So he fucked me without lube and as hard as he could." I said in a small whisper

"Did you" he stopped to clear his voice, "Did you see a doctor?"

"No… I was scared…after that happened, there was… well…" I couldn't get myself to say it. It was the most traumatizing day of my life. "There was blood." I said feeling, more tears spill

"I know I don't have any STD's because they tested me when I came in… you know… but … I don't know" I started sobbing again

. . . . .

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

Is there a reason for everything? Like, if someone didn't die one hundred years ago, the day they were supposed to, would I not be here right now? If snow white as never made would my mother not have had me? Would she not have met my father? Would drinking a cup of water, have an impact on my life in the long run?

.Tick.

Is there a reason they have clocks in this god forsaken place? It's not like any of us can go anywhere

I look around the room, the lounge usually has a few people in it but today it looks like it's just me and Sam. Sam arrived here a few months back for drug abuse, he seems fairly normal though not that I've had much of an opportunity to talk to him, I guess this is my chance, "Hey I'm Edward" I said looking at him from across the room

"Hey I'm Sam" he said with a cocky smile and a strange accent

"I'm sorry I haven't properly introduced myself before this" I said with a slight laugh, its true; I usually introduce myself to the newcomers

"It's all good" he waved me off, "I've made a few friends"

"Yeah I've been here for two years, I don't have any friends" I said with a laugh, I'm sure he was just pulling my leg because people aren't exactly friendly here, especially to new comers

"Is what Jessica said true? Because you don't seem queer" he said randomly, looking nervous

"She told you I was gay?" I asked, I didn't think she would tell anyone. She was someone who I thought I could somewhat trust

"Yep" he said slowly

"She suffers from a compulsive lying disorder. if she starts any rumors about you I'm sorry" I say and then get up to leave

"Waite" he said in a smug voice, "You really are a queer aren't yah"

I stopped and turned around, "Yes I am" I said confidently

He smirked, got in my face then whispered, "The queer burn in hell you know, no one likes a cocksucker"

I smirked back and looked him dead in the eyes, "I LOVE sucking cock. LOVE it and I love taking it up the ass" I said smirking. But maybe that wasn't the best idea seeing as next thing I know I'm knocked onto the flood getting the living hell beaten out of me

"Get the fuck off of me!" I yelled trying to shove him back

"This is the kind of treatment a fag like you deserves" he said kneeing my stomach

"STOP STOP STOP!" a woman yelled from behind me and Sam got off. "What do you think your doing!" the nurse yelled, I looked over and of course its Angela, "Sweetie are you alright!" she said scooping me up into her arms

"Yeah I think so" I said coughing, I'm pretty sure my mouth is bleeding

I stood up and clutched my side, oh fuck I think he broke a rib. "I'll be fine I said trying to get away from all of this

"No, your coming with me" a tall man said, and I just rolled my eyes

. . . . .

"What is the meaning of this?" said a man, late forties short and pudgy, his hair beginning to gray

"Well sir, Sam" I adverted my eyes to him, "assaulted me due to my sexuality"

The man raised his brows in disbelief, "is that true?"

"Yes it is" Sam said in a proud voice

"Edward your free to go" the man said softly, "I'm sorry that had to happen"

"It's alright" I said, walking out the door

. . . . .

Why do I always come to this same window? I love it when it rains so that's my reason for today, but I like to see the outside world. I don't like being cooped up in the hell hole. My jaw hurts from yesterday's incident and I'm not looking forward to seeing Dr. Black today.

"Edward" Speak of the devil. "It's time to see you Dr."

I walk down the hall to the door labeled "Dr. Black" and open the door, "Good to see you Edward" he greets warmly

"Are you alright after yesterday? Tell me what happened" he starts. So I explain how Sam patronized me and beat me, "I'm sorry Edward" he said softly

I looked at him dead in the eye and asked, "How do I get out of here?"

He gave me a surprised look and then sat on the edge of his desk, "Tell me why you tried to kill yourself, that's a start"

"I told you, it was because of Mike" I hung my head low

"After Jasper broke up with you?" he asked, writing all of it down

"Yes, a few days after" I sighed, "I don't think I'd do it again though"

"Everything is going according to plan my boy" he said smiling and tucking his papers away

"I tolled your parents to be ready to come get you this weekend because I knew you would be done here very soon"

I looked at his like he was the crazy one here, "What? I get to go? Really?" I asked not believing him

"Yes" he said opening his door, "pack up"

I ran back to my room and threw everything in my bag, I can't believe I actually get to go home. I know this place was just supposed to get down to the reason why I tried to kill myself but I didn't think I would get to go so soon.

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	4. Chapter 4

_**This ones a little shorter, Review! Enjoy!**_

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.Knock

I open my door to find Dr. Black, "Edward I forgot to tell you, your taking Mike Newton to court for rape…"

"WHAT?" I yelled "I don't want to! That's… that's to much!"

"calm down boy!" he whispered, closing the door. "You need to, he hurt you"

"I … I guess" I stuttered

"You can beat him, and it's not going to be for about 4 months" I sighed and looked down

"Alright when do I get to leave" I asked anxiously

"Well, I know your 24, but your parents still need to come get you, they have been informed about your rape, not that your gay though"

"Ok"

"They will be here shortly, But I still want you to come see me twice a week" he said smiling that huge smile he's always got on

"I can do that" I said smirking back

. . . . .

"Edward" Angela said, opening my door, "Your parents are here"

I jumped out of bed and hugged her, "Thanks for always being there for me Angela, it meant a lot"

She smiled and handed me a small card, "Keep in touch" she said with a wink

Oh god I hope she doesn't like me. I walked out of my room and to the front office where I met my parents with a hug. "I missed you guys" I whispered as we walked to the parking lot

"Oh Edward" my mother said with tears in her eyes, "We have missed you so much"

I smile slightly and then feel a little anguish seeing as they were the ones who sent me away in the first place, "Are you going home now?" I asked

"Yes, son and we've got a welcome home party with all of your friends" my dad said looking ecstatic

"Oh, um ok" I said, trying to sound optimistic, "Who's going to be there?" I asked nervously

"Emmett, Bella, Seth, James, Embry, Alice, and Tanya" my mother said with a wink, "I think Tanya is very exited to see you" I smiled on the outside but was throwing up on the inside

"You don't say" I said running my fingers through my mess of hair

"Edward you need a woman in your life, you need a life actually…. You don't have a job anymore and you don't have a place to live"

I smiled, "Whens the party?" I don't want to disappoint my mom and dad but I'm going to have to tell them someday soon that I'm gay

"It's going to start once we get home" she said looking out the window, "How was it there?"

I turned my head to her and looked out her window, "It was … alright"

"Edward"

"Yes mom?"

"Were you really … raped? … by Mike?" she asked in tears

"Yes… I was" I sighed and pulled her into a hug, "Its ok now though"

"Edward its not ok! He raped you! Did you know he liked men?" she asked quickly

"I honestly had no clue" I said putting her back

"He uses to act jealous when you and Bella would go out… I guess I know why now" she laughed a sad ice cold laugh

"I'm really ok mom, don't worry" I said with a fake smile that she could see right through

The rest of the car ride was silent and awkward, like I didn't know how to talk to my own parents anymore

. . . . .

When guests started arriving I got a little jittery so I got a beer to calm the nerves. First beer in two years. Wow living on the edge. I laugh at myself and sit down on the couch that sits in the living room

"Edward!" I here Alice yell before jumping on my lap "I missed you SO much!" I smiled and hugged her back tight

"I missed you to tinker bell" She looked at me with tears in her eye and smiled, "We all missed you"

I looked around and all of my friends were standing there, I gave them all a hug and smiled. "I missed you guys more then you'll ever know"

"I missed you Edward" Tanya said walking towards me

"I missed you too Tanya" I said pulling her into a hug, when she crashed her lips to mine. Her small soft delicate lips. Hers did nothing to me, I like strong soft masculine lips. I like men. I pulled away and looked at her with wide eyes. "Um what was that?" I said blushing

"I was kind of hoping you missed me as much as I missed you" she said sticking out her bottom lip in a pout

"I did miss you, just not like that?" I said as a question and shrugged

"I'd be more than willing to give you a little welcome home gift in your room" she winked then kissed my cheek

I wanted to puke. Gross. I don't want any bedside welcome home gift with her nasty pussy and boobs, she can find a straight man to do that for her

"Eddy!" Emmett yelled charging over to me

And that's kind of how the night went on, friends greeting me. Pretty boring

When I wake up. I'm finding Jasper.


	5. Chapter 5

"dude wake up!" god Emmett. "Dude! Come on!"

"What?" I yelled at him, opening my eyes to find him sitting at the end of my bed

"We need to find your friend! You told me to wake you up at nine" and the hunt begins

I sigh and get out of bed, shower, get dressed, and grab a coffee

"Hey Em" I say confused

"Yeah?" he said finishing off a pop tart

"Where is Rose? I thought you guys were tied together?"

He laughed and spun around on his stool to look at me, "Not any more man, people need time apart. Anyways, where do you want to start looking for your old friend?"

I looked down at my old phone that I had before all of this happened, "I tried calling, but he doesn't have the same number, so I was thinking we could stop by his house, see if he still lives there?"

"Mk lets go" Emmett said jumping off the stool and flying out the door

. . . . .

"You do remember where he lives right?" Emmett said looking at me amused

"Yes! I remember!, we'll be there in a minute" of course I remember how to get there. Just then we pull up to his house… I feel like I'm going to throw up as a plethora of emotions flow back to me

"I'll be back in a little bit ok?" I said before stepping out of the car

When I reached the door I froze. I don't know what to say, what to do, what if he has a new boyfriend? What then? My mind and hand obviously don't get along because before I knew it, I was knocking at the door. I here him inside coming to the door. But when the door opens its not him, it's his sister Rose

"Hi?" she says looking lost, "Do I know you?" she squinted her eyes and examined me, "You look familiar" she said smiling, "Come on in"

She walked into the kitchen and I followed, "Whats your name again?" she asked like I already tolled her

"Edward" I said quietly

"Are you here for Jasper?" she asked raising a brow at me

"Yeah but he's not expecting me" I said as she continued to look me over

Then her eyes go wide and she slaps me, "I remember you! You cheated on Jasper! And then disappeared on him! You son of a bitch! Who do you think you are coming back like this? Huh?" by this point she was up in my face looking like she was going to kill me

Just then Jasper walks in, looking like a god. "Geez Rosey whats got you in a twist? If I didn't kno…" he stopped when he noticed me

"What are you doing here?" he said like he'd seen a ghost

"We need to talk" I choke out

"Alright, lets go for a walk" he said taking a step towards me, "Rose I'll be back later"

We start to walk in utter awkwardness when he stops, "Edward what are you doing here?"

I sigh, "I never cheated on you Jasper"

He laughed and then sat down on a bench, "That's real funny, cuz last time I checked, you told me yah cheated yourself"

I looked down and swallowed hard, I really don't want to tell him. But I have to. "Jasper… "

"Look. Don't try an tell me you weren't cheatin! You came home that night smelling like sex and another man!"

A tear slipped down my cheek and I shook my head

"Your really going to try and deny that?" he spat at me

"Jasper you don't understand" I sobbed slightly

"Understand what? That I had a ungrateful cheating ass boyfriend? I deserve better"

"Damn it Jasper that's…" he cut me off again

"No. just fuck off!" he yelled then took off

I grabbed his arm, I was in tears pleading for him to listen, "Jasper"

"Save your breath, because nothing you say will change my mind" he seethed at me, slapping my hand away and walking away from me

"I was raped" I said just loud enough so he could here me.

He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to find me on my knees in tears. Before I knew it I was in his arms

"I had no idea Edward" he said, tears falling from his eyes as well

"I know, and its ok Jasper… I just … we need to talk" I whispered

"Lets go to this coffee shop, its right over there" he pointed to the coffee shop and I nodded my head

I tolled him about Mike and how he did things to me… about how he hurt me and about how I couldn't tell him about what happened

"Jasper there's more…" I said nervously

"What is it? You can tell me anything you know" he said taking my hand in his

"After all of that happened I … I couldn't see straight, I turned to alcohol and…" I stopped, nervous he's see me as crazy like so many other people do

"And what?" he whispered

"I tried to kill myself" I said back in a squeak, I looked up at him as he looked at me shocked

"H…how?" he said speechless

I moved up my sleeves to reveal two large scares on my wrists. When he saw them he pulled me into a hug and I cried on him. He was my rock.

"I never stopped loving you Edward" he said into my neck, "I was always hoping you would come back… where where you these past two years?"

"I had to go to a Rehab center for attempted suicide" I said, no longer crying

"Do you know who…. Who did that to you Edward?" he whispered, "When did it happen?"

"I'm going to tell you, but don't blame yourself it wasn't your fault. Jasper I love you so much" I said, looking into his beautiful eyes. There's a huge chance he'll blame himself for this. He nodded and I look a breath

"Remember when you left for a few days to visit your Grandmother when she was ill?" I said slowly and he just nodded, "Well I was hanging out with Mike, remember him? Mike Newton?" his face went blank. It looked like he just saw a ghost.

"Mike Newton" he said in a whisper and then broke into tears, "Are you saying Mike did that to you?"

"Yes" I said , tears collecting again

"Edward after you left Mike started trying to be my friend" he said slowly

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I cannot have a panic attack here. Not now. "Are you guys… friends?" I whispered

"We were" he said angrily "Up until I found out that he …. Raped my boy" I looked up and he was in a complete breakdown. I wrapped my arms around his and rocked back and forth, "Its ok Jasper" I whispered, "You didn't know, I… I should have told you"

"I'm going to kill him" Jasper whispered into the crook of my neck

"That makes two of us" I sighed, "let's get you back home, your freezing and Emmett is waiting for me"

"Edward" he said standing up, but not breaking our gaze, "Will you be mine again?"

I got up from the bench and kissed his beautiful lips, just a sweet soft kiss. And pulled away, "I would love to"

We walked back to his house and talked about things. I haven't changed much other than being crazy, and he hasn't changed at all other then he lives with Rose now

"Well I guess we're back at my place" he said looking down

"Call me and we'll tell all of my friends and I'll tell my parents tonight" I said smiling

"Really?" he said, his perfectly pearly white teeth showing, "I reckon you do love me then" he said with a smirk and kissed my cheek, "See yah love"

"Bye" I whispered and walked back to the car

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	6. Chapter 6

"Emmett wake the fuck up" I yelled and Emmett jumped

"Damn fuck!" he screamed "You scared the living hell out of me man!"

I laughed and apologized for waking him from his beauty sleep

"So how was your friend?" he asked, starting the car

"Remember Jasper?" I said looking out the window

"Yeah, blonde hair blue eyes?"

"Yep" I said, smile plastered to my face, "That's the friend"

"Well it looks like you had a nice chat with him seeing as you can't stop smiling" oh god I have to tell someone

"I love him" I spat out

"You what?" he looked at me confused, "That sounded so gay man" he said laughing

I looked at him furious, "Maybe that's because I am" Emmett slammed the breaks and looked at me like I was crazy

"Your what?" he said trying to keep calm

"Gay" I said locking eyes with him and I sighed, "Look if you want me to go that's fine"

"No man I have nothing against gays, I just wish you would have told me, Yah know?" he said looking hurt

"I'm sorry" I whispered, "Your actually the first to know… other than Jasper"

He started driving again and smiled, "So are you a Jasper together?"

"We were before I… you know" I said in a small voice, looking back out the window

"Oh… how long have you know you were gay?" he asked sounding seriously confused

"Sense I was sixteen, but I was confused since I was fourteen" I chucked at how young I was when I thought guys were hot

Then the all mighty mind reader asks, "So you thought guys were hot at fourteen?" he said raising an eyebrow at me

"Yes actually I did" I said laughing along

"Have you had sex with a girl? Like at least tried to be with one?" he asked casually

"Yeah I've been with a few girls and lets just say…. It was gross" I turned and looked in his eyes, I actually don't think he cares that I'm gay

"Whatever floats your boat man" he said with a lot chuckle, "Well we're back at your place, and don't worry, I don't tell a sole" he said and I thanked him

"Emmett" I said, running my fingers through my messy hair, "What do you think my parents will think?"

He looked down at his shoes and sighed, "Shit man I don't know… you know as well as I that they don't like gay's, I mean damn, after that thing with your cousin I don't know. But you need to tell them soon"

"Will you come in the house with me? I want to tell them now. If they reject me I'd rather it be sooner than later" I was shocked myself that I actually want to do this

We walked into the house and I spotted my mother in the kitchen cutting up vegetables. I swallowed hard and looked at Emmett, "You don't have to do this now you know" he said in a reassuring voice

"I know, but I just want to get this over with yah know? Rip the band aid off" I said in a not so confident voice. I walked into the kitchen and my mother smiled, greeting us. "Hey is dad home?" I asked after standing there for about ten minutes

"Yes, he's in his office" she smiled, putting something in the oven

"Can I talk to both of you?" I said, apparently looking uneasy because she asked me if I was feeling ok

"Of course honey" she said, taking my hand and walking to his office

We stepped in and he smiled at me, "Hello son what can I do for yah?"

"I wanted to talk to you and mom about some things" I said sitting down on the couch across from his desk

They were both looking at me and I turned my head to Emmett who was standing near the door and he nodded, "Mom, dad" I cleared my throat, "I've met someone"

My mom squealed and pulled me to her with a hug, "Oh Edward that's wonderful!" she yelled

"Who's the lucky lady?" my dad said with a proud smile

"That's…. that's the thing…. Well….. there isn't a lucky lady" I choked out

"Don't be silly! Any lady who is with you is lucky!" my mom said kissing my cheek

"Stop with this nonsense son! What's her name?" how do I tell them this. How can I tell them that there only son is gay?

"His name is Jasper" I whispered

The room went dead silent for a minute and then I looked over to my mom and she was crying. I made my mom cry. Great

"What are you trying to say?" my dad said, looking pissed

"I'm gay" I said looking him straight in the eyes

he sat there for a second and then got up and looked down at me, "ha-ha-ha" he said slowly , "Very funny Edward"

I got up, about an inch away from his face and spat back, "Does it look like I'm kidding"

I could see the anger in his eyes, "Edward I will not have another Faggot in my family. You have had girlfriends not boyfriends. So stop this joke because it is not funny, you are not some disgusting cocksucker

"I'm not kidding dad. I am a cocksucker and I love it, I suck my boyfriend Jaspers cock" I smirked and saw him raise his fist, I also saw Emmett take a step up but I shot his a look saying stay there. Before I knew it I could taste blood in my mouth and my jaw hurt like a bitch

"Get out of my house! You are not my son anymore you little shit" my dad yelled to me and Emmett, I stood up, realizing I was on the ground and laughed, "You weren't ashamed that I attempted suicide but me being gay is such an embarrassment? Wow I had more respect for you and…." I was cut off by my mom who was now standing behind me

"You weren't really raped" she stopped for a second and I turned around, "You like men, you enjoyed it, you and Mike Newton were good friends, you're probably just trying to get back at him for breaking up with you or something."

I had tears spilling from my eye. How could my mom think that? My own mother? "What the fuck mom!" I cried out. "How can you think that? How can you think I would lie about being raped?"

"Get out of my house now or I'll throw you out" my dad said, "And don't come back"

Emmett and I may have walked out. But a part of me died in there.

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**REVIEW PLEASE ^.***


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter is going to be short. i'm oh so sorry i hav not been able to update but the real world is complicated ;( This chapter tells how Edward was raped just a heads up! ENJOY! REVIEW**

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"Bro are you alright?" Emmett said opening the car door for me

Tears were glissading down my cheeks as I sat down in the car, "I-I don't know" I replied

Emmett started the car and cursed under his breath

"Em" I choked, "Can I stay with you for a few days?"

Emmett Slammed his fist on the dash board and Grunted, "God damn it why are your parents so big headed? Your there son for Christ sakes!"

"Emmett" I said quietly "Its ok th-"

"Shit Edward! It's not ok and it never will be ok!"

I sighed "Emmett I don't know how I got lucky enough to have you as my best friend"

He smiled a little and turned into his driveway

I don't know why they let me out. I'm sure it was to test my stability in the outside world but why? I still want to hurt myself. I still want to die.

"Eddy, I just made the guest bedrooms bed if you want to crash I'll wake you up for dinner" Emmett said with an apologetic smile

I nodded and walked up the stairs to the guest room. Yawning, I strip down and crawl under the covers.

_"Hey Edward, long time no see?" Mike said giving me an awkward one armed man hug_

_"Yeah I guess so man, sorry I haven't called you up recently, I just got kind of busy" I said smiling _

_It was weird hanging out with Mike again, ever sense I started going out with Jasper, mike has been at the back of my mind. Mike was a cool guy, we have been friends sense we were little and I felt bad for dropping his friendship. But today was just like the good old days we use to spend together. No worries and just plain old fun. We started out just chilling at my place then went out and got some food, soon after returning to my place. _

_"Mike I think I forgot how awesome you were" I said laughing _

_"I don't know how you could, I am pretty amazing" he said with a smug grin. "Have you been seeing anyone?" he asked, getting a beer from my kitchen _

_Taken back by his question I paused before answering, "Uh no" I lied _

_"Me either" he said, approaching me. "Edward" he said in a hushed tone _

_"Y-yes" I replied uncomfortably_

_"What would you say if I kissed you?" he whispered, stepping closer to me _

_I looked at him with wide eyes, Mike likes me? "I woul-"_

_I was interrupted by his tongue lunging in my mouth throwing me onto the couch, his hot breath tackling my Face, tears in my eyes. I tried to move my arms but they were being held down along with my legs underneath his. He released my mouth to kiss down my neck and I only managed to whisper, "S-stop please I-I don't w-ant this please get off" he didn't even stutter In his actions, he just attacked my face again with kisses. When I felt his begin to pull my pants down, I struggled one of my arms free and punched him square in the jaw yelling, "Stop!" He looked at me with rage in his eyes and whipped his dick out, flipping me over and pulling my pants down. After that all I could here was my whimpering and I could only feel sharp extreme pain surging throughout my body. Tears were running down my face I was screaming, begging for him to let me go. I know he didn't use lube and he didn't stretch me. He just forced himself into me. _

_He took my virginity._

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_**SO SAD :( REVIEW!**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Okay, first off i want to say sorry for having shorter chapters. PLEASE don't kill me! **_

_**Next, i would like to thank everyone who reviews my stories regularly, i means SO MUCH you dont even understand how good it makes me feel to get reviews so thank you :) **_

_**Also, i want to let ya'll know that i will be having shorter chapters BUT i will be updating more, maybe like twice or once a week? sorry i have been real busy these past few months and its getting hard to sit down and write**_

_**Lastly, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD... give me new ideas! Review giving me new story ideas please! they can be anything, as long as its Edward and Jasper 3 because i love them ;) **_

_**Enjoy!**_

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"Ed! Wake up man" Emmett yelled shaking me.

I opened my eyes dreading having to tell Emmett what was going on. I haven't had that dream in a long time and the fact that the dreams are starting again makes me stiff with terror

"Ed you were yelling in your sleep" Emmett said looking at me with sad eyes, "Are you ok?" he asked sitting on the side of the bed

"Yeah I'll be ok" I said softly, "Is dinner almost done?" I asked, changing the subject

Emmett smiled, said yes and we walked down the stairs and ate in silence. After an awkward dinner we made our way to the couch and started watching TV

"Hey Ed, I don't want to pry but what was your mom talking about?" he said slowly, probably apprehending me to be mad about his curiosity towards an uneasy subject

I looked down "What do you mean?" I said lightly

He sighed loudly before answering me, "Edward you know what I mean"

And I did. I knew exactly what he was asking. "Mike" that's all I needed to say. Mike might have been my best friend before Jasper, but Emmett was my 'rock' and he understood completely what I meant, he knew me inside and out

"I'm going to kill him" he whispered "Tell me what happened"

And I told him everything, he was the first person I told everything to and he seemed to sense that and comforted me. Two hours later and a million tears shed and I was done telling him about Mike and what happened and I could practically see the smoke coming off of him

Emmett's jaw tightened and he let out a long breath that he had been holding in, "I don't know what to say other than wow"

I chuckled a little and closed my eyes tight "Emmett"

"Yeah" he said softly

"I don't think they should have let me out" I whimpered, my eyes still clamped shut

"Why do you say that?" he said sounding confused

"I still have that feeling" I whispered, trembling

"What feeling?" he asked

"That feeling you have when you give up, that constant self- hate. Emmett I wish I would have died" I opened my eyes to see that I'm shaking violently

"Don't say that man" he said on the verge of crying "Y-you can't think that way"

"You don't understand Emmett… when I tried to kill myself It wasn't a cry for help, I didn't want someone to save me. I wanted to die. I was done. I gave up." I yelled at him, tears glistening my face "Em can you drive me to Jaspers?" I suddenly asked

Emmett seemed taken back by my request at first but then nodded and we soon walked out the door

"I'll call you later?" I said to Emmett, getting out of his car

"Yeah I'll be waiting" he said then drove away into the night

I walked up to Jaspers door and knocked. Hearing feet shuffling towards the door made me smile because I couldn't wait to see me boy

"Edward? What are you doing here so late?" Rose said, popping her head out the door

"I uh… just came to see Jasper" I said, avoiding eye contact

"Alright" she said, hearing her footsteps I walk in side. "You know where his room is" she yelled from the stairs

I walk up the stairs and turn to the left to see his door closed. The house looks the same although his sister wasn't around as much as she is now, I thought, knocking on the door

"Come in" Jasper said from the other side of the door

I walked in his room the see the back of a shirtless Jasper, typing away on his computer

"Yes Rose?" he said without turning around

I smirked and kissed the top of his head

"Ro-" he started wail turning around and flashed me his pearly whites, "You're not Rose" he stated with a grin

"Disappointed?" I smirked

"Quite the contrary actually" he said standing up, putting his hands on my waist

"Hmmm" I hummed, giving his a peck on the lips

"Hmmm indeed" he said, his eyes glowing, "You don't know how much I've missed you Edward" he whispered, pulling me into his arms, "I never thought…" his voice cracked, "Edward I love you so much"

I pulled away a little to look at his face, tears were painting his beautiful cheeks. I wiped them away with my hand and then kissed his cheeks, "I love you too baby… I missed you more then you could ever imagine, but were here now together and it'll be ok" I said, tears gathering in my eyes

"Will you stay here Edward? Tonight with me? Just…." He paused looking down, "Just let me hold you?" he said biting his lip

"I'd love to" I said, and we got into his bed, slipping into sleep

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_**hey there guys! hope you liked this chapter, there so sweet!**_

_**PLEASE REVIEW! **_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Okay guys, i guess i lied to you because this story is a little longer! i started typing and i just could not stop! You can blame the horny guy in me *Shrugs* **_

_**Just letting you all know, this is a Jasper POV chapter and i have got to say, this is my favorite chapter so far :D i really like it **_

_**FYI guys i'm still looking for new ideas! it would be great if you guys could give me some because as far as ideas so, i'm stuck **_

_**Oh yeah! and i don't own Twilight in any way shape or form! **_

_**Enjoy!**_

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**_JPOV_**

My beautiful bronze haired boy came back for me. I couldn't sleep at all last night in fear that he would be gone when I woke up, in fear that It was all just another dream about him coming back. It's not a dream. After watching him all night I realized that this, us, it's real again and he won't leave me. He loves me. But then my mind wanders to what I did. _He almost died because of me. I wouldn't listen to him. _ I cringe just thinking about it and my stomach turns. He, my beautiful, loving, soft, sexy, caring, strong, boy was raped. Just thinking about it makes me feel sick, Mike was my friend, He was our friend how could he do that? Thinking about him fills me with rage. Next time I see him he'll be dead. I look down at Edward, I was spooning him, this feels so right, being here with him, waking up with him. I smiled and kissed his head lightly playing with his soft hair. "I'll protect you" I whisper in his ear and he stirs a little

He yawns and stretches a little before opening his eyes, "Jasper" he says with a lazy smile

"Hey beautiful" I say in a whisper, stroking his hair out of his face, "I think you need a little hair cut" I said laughing lightly

"Speak for yourself" he replied, twisting his finger around one of my curls

"Alright" I said with a kiss "What are your plans for today?"

"Well, I'm spending the day with my boyfriend" he said smirking, leaning up in bed, putting his head on my shoulder

"Good idea" I said kissing his cheek, "Wont your parents worry about you though?" I asked

"Umm" he said hesitantly

"Edward?" I said confused, did something happen? Did he tell them? "Did you?..."

"Yeah" I said quietly "I told them about us"

My heart dropped, "Oh no" I said, putting my arms around him, holding him close to me "Tell me what happened"

After Edward told me what happened my heart broke even more for him and again, it was all my fault.

"Edward this is my entire fault" I said ashamed

"What are you talking about Jasper? This isn't anyone's fault! There just bigots!" he practically yelled

I was taken aback by what he said, who knew he would be so accepting? I thought he would be crushed. "Well, I'm still sorry"

"Whatever babe" he said rolling his eyes

"Want to get up and take a shower?" I asked, starting to get up

"yeah that sounds nice" he smiled, joining me

Edward and I have not had sex. I told him that I want to get to know him completely before we had sex. But we would still take showers together, and sleep together, and all oral aspects of sex. Just not sex because we wanted both of our first times to be special

I closed my eyes as I came to the realization that Edward is no longer a virgin

"What's wrong Jazz?" Edward asked

I opened my eyes to see a very concerned Edward, "Nothing love" I said kissing his lips softly

I looked at Edward to see that he was already stripped down to his boxers and I smirked, taking off my shirt. When I put my fingers on my jeans button Edwards's breath hitched , the lower my jeans got the more intense Edward stair got. And the harder it made me.

When my jeans touched the ground I kicked them aside. I looked back at Edward and the tent in his boxers is making my mouth water. he takes a step towards me and I pull him so we're chest to chest and we start kissing frantically. His kisses are heated and passionate, hungry and loving. I feel his cock rubbing against my leg and I moan at the sensation

Out lips separate all too soon and he's smirking at me, "Shower?" he whispers, never breaking eye contact. I nod and step forward

"Help me?" I say all innocent

He chuckles and says, "Of course"

When It looks like he's about to get down on his knees I stop him, "Actually, I want to help you"

He raises an eyebrow and blushes, "Alright"

I get down on my knees and smile up at my beautiful boy and he moans. When he moans, it goes straight to my cock and that causes me to moan. I gather my bearings and kiss his knees going up to his inner Thighs sucking at the innermost of his thigh near his balls and he moans loudly. I smirk and hook my thumbs around the elastic of his boxers, "Want to take these off?" I ask, amused. He nods fast and I pull them down releasing his beautiful cock. I skim my nose up from the base and he breaths in frantically. I take a breath before running my tongue up his cock, swirling my tongue around the head and dipping it into the slit, tasting his sweet pre cum. "What do you want me to do love?" I ask breathing heavily, my cock straining against my boxers begging for release.

"Suck me please Jazz" he moans out as I tug on his ball lightly

"My wish is your command" I say taking hold of his pulsing cock in my hand. I put the tip of his cock in my mouth, swirling my tongue around before taking more of him in. I start to hollow my cheeks, gliding him in. when he starts bucking his hips his cock hits the back of my throat and I suck my cheeks in more as be bucks in and out

"Close Jazzy s-so close" he mutters under his breath, his perfect face flushed. I feel his cock twitch and before I know it my mouth is filled with his sweet. I swallow it all and get up off my knees and hold him in my arms

His breathing begins to even out and I look into his eyes, "I love you Edward"

"I love you too Jasper, So much" he says, kissing me

"Shower?" I ask

"Jasper…" he says looking down at my erection

"No, that was for you, you don't have to do it in return, in fact I don't want you to. right now all I want to do is wash my beautiful boy" I said, looking into his gorgeous green eyes and he blushed the sweetest blush

I took off my boxers and stepped into the shower with him. After I got his hair wet I poured a little shampoo into my hand, washing it into his hair, massaging his scalp and he let out a deep moan we rinsed out the shampoo and I put in conditioner, he raises an eyebrow and I just shrug and he kisses me. After that I wash his body and then quickly wash myself

"Edward" I said, turning off the shower and grabbing us towels

"Mhm" he replied

"Promise not to leave me again?" I whisper

"Promise" he says, taking a towel from my hand and pulling me into a loving kiss

I'm finally home.

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_**Hope you liked ;)**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Hope ya like it! and thank you for the suggestions in the reviews :D Keep em coming lovelies**_

**I don't own anything **

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**_JPOV_**

I sit down on my bed watching Edward pull some boxers on, I look down and sigh my balls are going to be blue. Edward looked at me smirking, "Are you sure you don't need my help?" he said dropping himself onto my lap, straddling my hips as I moan, "Edward oh god" I yell as his boxer covered cock rubs my hard on. "To much cloths Edward" I moan and he slips his boxers off, Grinding his hips to mine. He puts his lips on my collar bone and sucks," Oh my god!" I yelled at the edge of my orgasm, he thrusts his hips to mine once more and we both explode

"Hey Jazz; Want to go to Emmett's?" Edward asked, breathing heavily, his copper hair disheveled

I smiled and chuckled a little, "Sure, I'd love to… but let's take another shower first, we smell like sex"

**_EPOV_**

Oh. My. God. I thought, getting dressed after taking my second shower today. I can't believe Jasper still wants me. I thought he would be totally appalled with me, but no. he loves me, and I love him, more than I thought possible.

"hey baby" Jasper said, smacking my ass, "Ready to go?"

"Yeah" I smirked in the minced of putting my shoes on

Getting into the car I noticed that Jasper seemed tense, "You ok?" I asked softly

"Yeah it's just… damn babe you think he'll like me?" he said nervousness flowing through his words

"What's not to like?" I said, placing my hand on his thigh

He sighed and the rest of the car ride was held in comfortable silence. When we finally got to Emmett's I could tell he was nervous again, so when we got out of the car I took his hand and we talked to the door

"Hey Em!" I yelled once we stepped inside, "Anyone home?"

"Eddy! I was worried you were kidnapped" he said, and I mentally slapped myself for not calling his last night or in the morning

"Sorry for keeping him out all night" Jasper said smaller than the confident man he is

"No worries bro" Emmett said, slapping him on the back. "you must be Jasper, I've heard so much about you" he finished winking at me

Jasper chuckled and stuck his hand out for Emmett to shake, "Than I reckon you must be Emmett, nice to meet you"

"Hmm I think I've seen you before" Emmett said, shaking his hand wail looking at Jasper with squinted eye

Jasper tilted his head to the side, releasing Emmett's hand, "I don't think so unless your friends with ma sister Rosie"

Emmett smiled big and said, "yes indeed I know your sister, we were going out but took a break" he said, his smile detraining

"That's a darn shame; Rosie's gotta get somebody who'll treat her right" Jasper said smiling caringly

As the day went on all we really did was sit around and talk. It turns out Emmett and Jasper were made to be friends and talked about sports and boring things all day. Truth is I was happy that they hit it off, but I was quite bored and wanted to just steal jasper away and have him all to myself

"I could not believe Edward was batting for the other team man! and you! Man you must be swatting chicks away left and right" Emmett said laughing, and I rolled my eyes

"you'd think so but it aint like that" Jasper said with a smile

"I don't know how you resist beautiful women" Emmett said again laughing

Jasper blushed "I think Edward Is beautiful" he said quietly

"I think you're beautiful too" I whispered, kissing him softly

"Well aren't you too cute" Emmett said smirking. Well its getting late and well, I'll just leave you two crazy kids to it" he said getting up

"Emmett" I said, resting me head on Jaspers shoulder

"Mhm" he replied

"Thank you"

"Don't mention it Eddy" he said, walking away

I smiled and nuzzled my face into Jaspers neck whispering sweet nothings to him wail he just holds me

"Jazz" I said softly into his neck

"yeah darlin'" he whispered, kissing my head

"I want to come out to all my friends"

"that sounds like a good idea babe" he said and I smiled

"I want to do it soon, I'm thinking about calling up all of my friends for dinner tomorrow or something" I said smiling

"whatever you want sounds good to me" he said holding me tighter against his chest

"I finally got done calling everyone Jazz, the least you could do is have a little fun with me" I said sticking my lip out in a pout

"Edward ya know I've gotta see how Rosie is, I haven't seen her all day and she hasn't been feeling all that good baby, but I promise I'll sure as hell make it up to ya later" he said with a wink and was on his was

"Yo Eduardo I totally get what you see in the guy" Emmett said, walking down the stairs, "I mean, I'd totally hit that if I was into guys"

"Yeah well he's mine" I said with a proud smirk, "I invited the guys over tonight for pizza… I wanna tell them about me and Jasper"

"Sounds like a plan Eddy" he said, walking into the kitchen, "You'll be paying?"

"Yeah I'll be paying you big goof" I said with a laugh

"Good" he said sounding satisfied, "In that case, order five large everything pizzas two cheese and three pepperoni"

"I don't think so" I said, walking into my room, "but nice try!" I yelled

I stretched, and then laid down on my (Emmett's) Bed I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before so I figure its only fair to take a little nap before reviling that I'm gay to everyone. I smile thinking about how easy things will be once I'm out, I close my eyes and drift off to sleep with a smile on my face

"Edward" someone says, touching my cheek, I smile getting a sniff of Jasper. "Baby wake up" they say again and I open my eyes

"Hey baby" I said, smiling

"Hey" he said back with a kiss, "Your friends will be here in like ten minutes babe" he said, pushing hair out of my face

"oh shit! I need to get ready" I said starting to stand up when Jasper pushed me back down

"Don't worry I cleaned the house with Emmett, everything's taken care of" he said kissing me again. I smiled, melting into the kiss when I heard the door bell ring

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**Review!~**


	11. Chapter 11

**I am so sorry for the wait! I finished this chapter almost three weeks ago but i was having serious computer problems so i have not been able to post it! i already started the next chapter so the next chapter should be out very soon as long as my computer gives me a break and starts working correctly! **

**i LOVE your review there so sweet and i would like to thank anyone who gave me ideas about what they want in upcoming chapters and/or stories, it was very helpful and i hope to incorporate your ideas **

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**_EPOV_**

"Shit" I cursed under my breath, getting off the bed, "Do you mind if we keep things cool until dinner?" I anxiously asked

"yeah that's fine" Jasper replied, opening my bedroom door

I smiled walking down the stairs, "Hey Alice!" I said running up to her and pulling her into my arms

"Edward love! How are you?" she squealed, kissing my cheek

"I'm great, you?" I said smiling like an idiot

"Wonderful, and just a heads up, Tanya is out to get you tonight" she said with a wink, moving on to Emmett, and I rolled my eyes

After that people started pouring into the house everyone except for Tanya that is, because she's always _fashionably late_

I smile when I took to see Jasper talking to Bella and he looks back at me and smiles big, "Hey Jasper, how are you?" I say with a knowing smile

"I'm good how bout' yourself?" he says with his sexy southern drawl

"Just peachy, hey Bella you wouldn't mind if I stole him away from you for a second would you?" I said to her, touching Jaspers arm

"It was nice talking to you Jasper" she says in a little suggestive tone

"It's kinda sexy, getting to know these people right before we come out to them" he whispered in my ear, sitting down on the couch

"I know what you mean" I whispered back, sitting next to him

"Well well well, what do we have here"

I closed my eyes, dreading this moment

"Hey Tanya, I'd like you to meet Jasper" I said, opening my eyes

Tight electric blue tube top with a slit in the middle to show off her boobs , a black pencil shirt that was way too short, bright pink lip stick and a lot of eye makeup. She was quite the sight. She looked like a hooker and if I were attracted to girls, I know I would be looking at her

"So, Eddy I was thinking maybe you would want that present tonight" she said, sitting in my lap

"I'm not interested" I said scooting her off of my lap

"Why not?" she asked, pouting

"I… um… I'm seeing someone" I said carefully

"Oh really? Who" she said looking at me skeptically

"It's kind of privet now but we'll be out in the open real soon" I said smirking

"Well it doesn't look like she's here tonight so why not just a little kiss?" she said looking around the room for my 'girlfriend'

"No" I said, looking away

"Come on! Please Edward I love you! I've been waiting for you to come home!" she yelled, tears in her eye

"Come on man just kiss her" Seth said, coming up behind her

"Yeah why the hell not?" Embry asked laughing

I gave them the evil eye and said "Already seeing someone"

"So?" she yelled, "I've been after you for like ever and you never want me" she said in tears

"Tanya look" I said getting mad that she had to make a scene like this, "Your just not my type"

She looked at me like I was crazy, Seth looked like her was going to hit me, Jasper looked amused, and Embry was laughing his ass off, wail everyone else was just watching in silence

"How am I not your type? What? Do you like brunettes? Or red heads? What, you don't like my big boobs? You want someone with tiny tits?" She yelled, her face turning a hundred shades of red

"No, I actually like blondes, but you were right, I don't like your big boobs" I said smirking

She raised an eyebrow "Did you lose your mind? What are you talking about?"

"Well" I paused and looked over at jasper, who nodded, "My _girlfriend_, is actually a _boyfriend_" I said smiling as Jasper came behind me, grabbing my waist and kissing my cheek

The look on Tanya's face was priceless as she walked out of the room

"Are you serious?" Seth asked, walking up to us with a look of disgust on his face

"Yes I am" I replied, holding on to Jasper

"That's just nasty man and to think, I use to spend the night at your house in high school you fucking pervert" he said looking me dead in the eyes

Tears were forming in my eyes as Jasper stepped in front of me, "Don't you EVER fucking talk to my boy like that got it?" he yelled, poking Seth's chest

Seth took a step back "Don't touch me fag, I know I'm sexy but I'm not a cock sucker"

That's when Jasper lost it, I turned my head as I heard Seth's nose crack followed by the door slamming shut

"Baby are you ok?" Jasper said, soothing me into his arms

"It's ok baby" jasper whispered in my ear right before I was attacked by Alice in a hug

"OH MY GOD! Why didn't you tell me! We could have gone shopping together and looked for hot guys and and…"

"Alice" I said accepting her hug at first but then letting go of her, wiping my tears away, "I still don't like shopping and I already have the hottest guy there is" I said smiling at Jasper

Then Bella, James, and Embry walk over and tell us that there still cool with us. I smiled and kissed Jasper "I love you" I whisper against his lips

"I love you too" he whispered back

"So Jazzy" Alice says, dropping down next to us, "This means were going to have to be best friends" she finishes with a wickedly excised glare

"I wouldn't expect anything less darlin'" Jasper said, putting on his best smile

"now Edward" she said, looking at me like she was trying to think something out, "What are we going to tell your folks?"

I looked down and felt Jasper put his arms around me

"Oh honey!" Alice said wrapping me in her arms, "I'm sorry! I knew they wouldn't take It good" she said softy

I sighed and put on a little sad smile, "its ok, Alice I'll be fine"

She gave Jasper a look and he smiled faintly and kissed my head, sighing into his touch I look back over to Alice and see her smiling

"Aw" she started, "You guys are adorable"

I blushed and Jasper chuckled. After that the night went on went on pretty good. When the people started to leave and it was just the four of us, Me, Jasper, Emmett, and Alice, we got into uncomfortable conversation.

"So have you guys have sex yet?" I choked on my drink and look to see Alice staring at us with wide eyes. "Well?" she asked again

"Um no" I said not meeting eye contact

"Hmm" she hummed, squinting her eyes, "We are defiantly having a girls day tomorrow" she said

I sighed and rolled my eyes then she got up, helping Emmett with someone in the kitchen

"Is she always like that?" Jasper asked, the hotness of his breath hitting my neck

"Yeah" I said, slightly distracted

I rested my head on Jaspers shoulder and closed my eyes, I'm not sure how I got so comfortable and back into the swing of things again but I need to think about what I want to do from here. One, I need a job, two, I need somewhere to live, and three, I need to make things perfect with me and Jasper. And I know I can.

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**Okay, so i hope you liked it! i'm not sure when my next update will be, most likely VERY soon!**

**REVIEW PLEASE**


	12. Chapter 12

**I don't own anything but the plot and if i forget to put that in my AN Just remember! **

**REVIEW**

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**_JPOV_**

Edward rested his head on my shoulder, as his breathing slowed, I looked to find him sleeping. So I kissed his head and carefully got up, replacing a pillow in my place

Walking into the kitchen I smiled at Emmett and Alice who were putting away dishes, so I decided to help them

"Hey guys" I said, putting a plate into the correct cabinet

"Hey Jasper can we… eh ask you something?" Emmett said, looking uneasy, Alice at his side looking the same

"yeah sure" I replied nonchalantly

We stood there in awkward silence for a few minutes when finally Emmett spoke up, "Do you think Ed's going to drop the charges with Mike?" he said, looking down with a guilty look on his face

"I don't know" I said honestly, "We haven't talked about it yet"

"we think that he should just drop it" Alice said, in a small voice that didn't even seem here own

I looked at her in awe and then looked at Emmett the same, "What?" I nearly yelled, "You just want him to…" I stopped and then looked at Alice in confusion

Alice looked up, "his parents told me before he came" she mumbled, looking ashamed

I nodded, "Why?" that was all I wanted to know

"He's going through a lot right now Jasper, that's just too much for him" Emmett said sincerely

I sighed, resting my elbows on the edge of the counter and pinching the bridge of my nose, "Your right"

They both smiled sadly and nodded, "You don't need to talk to him yet, but you will at some point" Alice piped in, "I am still in contact with his parents, they … eh let's just say he doesn't have their support. I told them off" she said blushing

I smiled and Alice looked at me with amazement looked at her questioningly, "Yes?" I said smiling

"You guys really were cute you know" she said in a sweet voice, "Jasper I've known that Edward was gay for a while, not that he told me of course, but he just was never completely comfortable being in a relationship with a girl, Jasper, He's so comfortable with you and you make him so happy, promise to take care of him? Ok?"

What Alice said warmed my heart "I really do love my boy and I promise I won't try an hurt em"

Alice blushed and looked down, "I also might have seen him jerking off to a picture of you" so whispered

This time it was my turn to blush, "Eh…" was all I could choke out awkwardly

But then Alice smirked at me, inching closer, "And if you haven't seen him naked yet, man are you in for a treat" she said getting a dreamy look in her eyes

"Fantasizing about my boyfriend eh?" I said smirking back at her and she snapped out of her dream land trance

"one can only dream right?" she said smiley

I picked up my drink looking over at Emmett who's digging in the fridge for food, "So why haven't you guys packed the sausage yet bro?" Emmett said, and I choked on my drink, "Sorry? Why haven't you guys fucked yet? There is that better? He said laughing

"Eh… we're just waiting" I said softly and he shrugged. "It's getting late, tell Edward to call me" I said getting up, "It was nice to meet you guys" I said, pulling Alice into a hug and shaking Emmett's hand

I peeked into the other room to see my Edward still Sleeping, I went and kissed his head right before slipping out the door and into my car

**_EPOV_**

_"Please stop! P-please" I screamed mike had me and wouldn't let me go, "Get off of me please" I yelled again I couldn't see straight, tears in my eyes, my head was pounding. But he didn't care he just started laughing_

_"You dirty little fag I saw you and Jazzy together. I know what you want" he said smirking, "We don't have to tell him baby just me and you right now, don't think about him" he whispered, thrusting harder _

_I felt like I was being ripped in half, he kept thrusting, moaning my name. I stopped paying attention the pain was so intense. He finally hit his last big thrusts and I felt a warm wetness shoot inside me. I opened my eyes and realized he was still in me _

_"Baby did you like that?" he said smirking and I closed my eyes, "Answer me baby" he said, sounding inpatient. I opened my eye and he put his hand under me and grabbed my cock, "Why aren't you hard if you didn't cum? Didn't you like it?" he asked looking unhappy. I shook my head no and he huffed, "Don't think about Jasper, he won't find out, come on let's try this again" _

_"No" I said weakly as he…. _

WAKE UP WAKE UP EDWARD! Someone was shaking me

I open my eyes to see Alice and Emmett with tears rolling down their faces, "What's going on?" I asked confused, then my eyes go wide, "Where is Jasper? Is he ok?" What's going…" then it hits me

I was dreaming

"Are you ok?" Alice asks, her face saddened

"Yeah" I say sitting up, "I'm fine"

Emmett nods and gets up wiping his face off, and I sigh

"Are you still going to see a doctor or therapist of whatever?" Emmett asked nervously

"Yes twice a week actually I'm seeing him today" I looked down and realized that I scared them

"I'm sorry you guys" I whispered and they quickly rushed to my side

"Don't be!" they said in unison witch made me laugh

I got up and walked into the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water

"Jasper's really cool" Alice said, walking into the kitchen

"I know" I said smiling. I turned around to look at the clock, _11:44 in the morning. "_I have to leave at 12:30"I said turning back around, "Did you spend the night?" I asked confused

"Yeah I had a little too much to drink so I crashed in your room" she said with a wink

"Oh" I said unfocused "I need to take a shower" I said hushed, walking away

Slipping into the hot water I close my eyes and cry. I cry silently for all I'm worth. And I can't stop. The dreams are too realistic. It's like reliving it every night.

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	13. Chapter 13

**_I feel like i should never ever promise to stay on track and update regularly because it never works out haha, i'm super busy guys so sorry! hope you like _**

**_I dont own anything but the plot yo!_**

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**_EPOV_**

I skim my eyes over the bathroom as I get out of the shower. All of my belongings I got from the store on my way back here are neatly displayed. A bar of soap, face wash, Chap Stick, and a razor.

_Broken sobs and the obnoxious stench of alcohol and blood burned my nostrils. My eyes felt like someone scratched them out. My lungs could no longer function as I felt the world collapse around me. _

I started crying again, crying harder than before. Memories of those days make me fall back into that depression that had hold of me for so long. My heart pounded and my head hurt.

I picked up my phone and called the first person on my contacts list

"Hey Edward" Alice chirped through the phone

Another sod escaped and I couldn't use my voice, "Oh my god Edward are you ok? What's going on?"

When she still didn't get a response she hung up

I forced myself to stay on the bathroom floor because I knew I would regret it if I got up.

I don't know how long I sat there crying until Alice flung herself at me

"Oh my god what happened?" she whispered into my ear, wrapping her petite body around mine

"I…I" I cleared my throat and rubbed my face, "I don't really know"

"Honey, let's go get some lunch or something" she said, getting up and looking in the mirror

"I'm sorry for making you drive all the way ov…" I paused, "Wait? I thought you spent the night?"

"I was actually on my way home, but that doesn't matter love, your more important" she said giving me a sad smile

APOV

I and Edward have been friends for as long as I can remember. And I think I've been in love with him for about half that time.

I remember when we were younger, maybe seven or eight. Edward and I were having one of our usual play dates; I had wanted to learn how to fly, as most kids did. Personally at the age of seven I thought it was totally reasonable to swing as high as possible on the swing set and I would be able to just fly off. Unfortunately, that was not the case. When I jumped off of the swing set I flew off and scraped my knee on the pavement. When Edward herd my cries he rushed to my side, picked me up and carried me home. My house was a five minute walk, and according to my mother it was a very safe part of town so she would just let us wander around. When we got home my mother (according to her) was at the store picking up snacks for us. Edward use to be completely freaked out by blood but in this case he sucked it up, washed my wounds and wrapped me all up.

I think that was when I realized that I loved him.

But by the age of about 18 I figured that my love was unrequited. And unrequited love really sucks but it's something you just have to deal with.

Don't get me wrong, I've dropped a lot of hints and he just didn't pick them up

Even thought things with us were strictly platonic, we were as close as two friends could have been… up until the world completely crashed around me and Edward tried to end his life.

I still remember those last days…

_"Alice" Edward sobbed over the phone _

_"Edward what's the matter? Did something happen?" it's not like Edward to cry so I was on edge _

_"Alice I can't take this anymore, He's gone" he sobbed into the phone for a few seconds before continuing, "He left me Al I … I love him so much he doesn't understand what I'm going through." _

_I paused. _

_What. _

_"Edward you're really scaring me" I breathed into the phone, tears running down my cheeks _

_"I love you" he said in a low whisper, "Whatever happens I love you" he said, sounding drunk out of his mind _

_The second he hung up a raced over to his place. Only to find him hanging on by a thread _

Then he was gone for two years, and I tried to move on but it really didn't work. On the outside I was normal, but on the inside I was a huge mess

After he came back. After he told me he was gay. I pretended to be shocked because obviously he wouldn't remember coming out to me the night he attempted suicide, and I really was happy for him.

_Ring ring ring _

"Hey Edward" I said, happy he called, but all I heard was a gasp and then broken sobs and I knew something was wrong

Rushing over I ran into the bathroom and threw my arms about the broken boy that lay on the cold tiles of the bathroom flood.

No matter what happens

Wither he's gay, straight, or bi

I will love him

With everything I've got

EPOV

After having a panic attack in the bathroom I asked Alice to drop me off at Dr. Blacks because obviously I needed to talk to a professional about my psychotic thoughts

Getting out of Alice's car, thanking her and walking into the Office, I began to freak out on the inside

Why would they let a crazy man out?

I'm clearly not stable. I wake up every morning crying and shaking.

"Edward?" Dr. Black said walking out of his office

"Dr. Black" I said, getting up, "We need to talk"

He gave me a nod and motioned towards his office

I looked around his office, it looked the same, smelled the same, I sat down in the same chair I sat in in our first meeting and looked at him trying to decide where to start.

"How have things been?" he asked smiling at me, a hint of sadness flashed across his face

"Good and eh… bad" I said looking down. "The dreams have been getting really bad" I said sadly

He nodded, "Anything new in your dreams?"

I looked at him confused, "Is there something I don't remember?"

He sighed and took off his glasses, rubbing his face with his hands, "Edward…" he started

"So there has been something that you've kept from me" I said shocked, "Spit it out" I said, pissed off

"Edward it's something you're not going to want to here and I really wanted you to remember on your own but now I feel as if I should tell you…" he paused looking me in the eyes, "He didn't just penetrate you once Edward, the Doctors came up with theories of what might have happened and the most plausible explanation is that he penetrated you twice before you passed out and then wail you were asleep he penetrated you once more" he said in a completely professional voice

I heard him let out a deep breath before everything went black


End file.
